Today, I found myself staring at a painting of Malevich. What thoughts had passed? Many more than a minute can possibly capture. What the hell was I staring at? A war. A Russian war. With fields and bayonets and skies colored by gunpowder, sand and smoke. Blood too. I could almost hear the slaughter, smell […]
moreA woman’s husband is depressed. For a while, she thought she was depressed and not him. But he has now told her he needs some time for himself. It’s not her, he adds. And he’ll figure it out. It’s not me, she thinks, it’s not me. See? It’s not me. She could drive over to […]
moreMy son has been complaining about a stomach ache. I give in and tell him he can stay home from school, but he has to understand that I need to get some work done. Ironically, for a kid’s TV series. In fact, now that he’s here, I may as well ask him a few things. […]
moreThere is a woman who runs in the park every day and always in the same direction: anti-clockwise. Same pacing, same distance. Same ponytail swings left and right like a metronome. I don’t see her for a while and I don’t miss her. Until one day, a year or so later, I notice her and […]
moreMy Dutch publisher said she’s considering publishing a few of my blog entries. I suggested an intern could make a first selection? You know, me being so busy and all that? What a silly thought. I have started the selection process, and it’s taking me ages. Every blog entry I read brings back the things […]
moreI’m in New York, where I once lived. Back when the East Village was still dangerous and my ambitions were limitless. If I could have made it here… I visit friends from back then. Their careers have moved forward, step by step, year by year and now here we are, in our mid forties. There’s […]
more“I hated today. Hated it mum!” His two friends have only just left. The little boys had made a request for french fries and fish fingers which – hell why not – I decided to make. We had gone to a playground where they chased each other, and chased girls, jumped in puddles. My sons […]
moreI went to a lecture about a Dutch 17th Century slave ship. Sometimes, the lecturer let some of his disgust shine through, like when he told us how the ship had capsized sideways and the crew decided to sit on the wooden doors behind which they kept the slaves. Almost 700 African men and women […]
moreI sit at the dinner table while my 6-year-old hops on and off his chair. I am waiting for him to finish his veggies. I take another sip of wine and say, “what if this is it? What if the rest of life looks like this?” He reacts (during motion and matter-of-factly) by saying, “don’t […]
moreAs a child, I used to study patterns on wallpaper. I’d often take naps in any irrelevant room upstairs, even during Summer holidays when everyone was outside. Family gatherings with barbecues, muffled cheeriness. The occasional distinctive voice would jump up out of the murmur of fun. While I’d be staring at wallpaper. I’d look at […]
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