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Archive for November, 2014

hopes and dreams for December

published on: 27.11.2014 in: All entries

December creeps into the year carrying mixed feelings. It’s a month of looking back and moulding thoughts into hopes for another year. Nothing’s changed, perhaps, regarding who you are, while life has. “This is going to be my fourth last Christmas!” a friend says, cheerily. She is sitting while I stand. Climbing the stairs costs […]



published on: 24.11.2014 in: All entries

Tummy aches, headaches, fever. I put my son to bed and tell him I’m just going to leave the house for a moment to get some coffee. This isn’t unusual for him. As I walk down the street he calls after me from the balcony. “Mummy! It really really hurts now!” “Sweetheart just lie down […]


shouldn’t have

published on: 22.11.2014 in: All entries

A lover describes the various relationships he’s had with women. He’s broken the hearts of a few, he says, and he so hates himself for it. It makes him feel terrible to know he’s hurt them. I’ve been hearing men tell me similar things these past few months. It has me wondering why we women […]


not love, no

published on: 15.11.2014 in: All entries

Addy is a prostitute, like so many female characters in 18th century novels are. Toothless, often. Not my Addy. She has fallen from grace. Once upon a time, not long ago, she wore indigo blue silk. Now she wears dark blue cotton. She has just had sex with a married man. He visits her often. […]


what we don’t know

published on: 07.11.2014 in: All entries

Time for a heart to heart with my father. We spoke many times, but perhaps I wasn’t listening. I ask him how things were when I was a baby. Between him and my mother and him and I and my mother and I. I need to know, I say, because I’m going through this phase, […]


to miss

published on: 02.11.2014 in: All entries

To miss is a tree of summer leaves. Bright green and full, impossible to see through. Casting shadow over day and cooling the heat of excitement. After a while, the leaves burst into an orange fire. Finally they come to a simmer, dry up and fade. Every leaf lets go whenever it is ready to […]