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Archive for October, 2012

next time he sobs

published on: 31.10.2012 in: All entries

“I hated today. Hated it mum!” His two friends have only just left. The little boys had made a request for french fries and fish fingers which – hell why not – I decided to make. We had gone to a playground where they chased each other, and chased girls, jumped in puddles. My sons […]


angry white female

published on: 28.10.2012 in: All entries

I went to a lecture about a Dutch 17th Century slave ship. Sometimes, the lecturer let some of his disgust shine through, like when he told us how the ship had capsized sideways and the crew decided to sit on the wooden doors behind which they kept the slaves. Almost 700 African men and women […]


life in Gangnam style

published on: 27.10.2012 in: All entries

I sit at the dinner table while my 6-year-old hops on and off his chair. I am waiting for him to finish his veggies. I take another sip of wine and say, “what if this is it? What if the rest of life looks like this?” He reacts (during motion and matter-of-factly) by saying, “don’t […]


path of life

published on: 26.10.2012 in: All entries

As a child, I used to study patterns on wallpaper. I’d often take naps in any irrelevant room upstairs, even during Summer holidays when everyone was outside. Family gatherings with barbecues, muffled cheeriness. The occasional distinctive voice would jump up out of the murmur of fun. While I’d be staring at wallpaper. I’d look at […]


into the world of the screenplay

published on: 25.10.2012 in: All entries

I am writing a film about cancer, based on a novel by Henk Pröpper. A woman dies of it and leaves a boyfriend behind. That’s quite a challenging premise as it’s too thin for film. At some point today, the thought crossed my mind that maybe I should read Leaving Las Vegas. And The Hours too. […]


count your fingers

published on: 23.10.2012 in: All entries

“Sit there. Count your fingers. My unhappy, little girl blue.” When Janice Joplin sings this, you understand she knows what she’s talking about. She has sat there and counted, over and over again. Recently, I stepped into a bookstore which only sells books about self-help and spiritual enlightenment. It smells of incense there and everyone […]


these words I write – (*spoiler alert*)

published on: 17.10.2012 in: All entries

His voice is thinner than it ever was when he asks, “what does he die of?” He uses my hesitation to add, “not of cancer I hope?” He laughs and coughs at the same time, then continues, “although cancer might not be such a bad idea. If you’d like to know more about how chemo […]


was once a family

published on: 13.10.2012 in: All entries

I sit at the head of what was once my dinner table, opposite the woman who was once my mother- in-law, celebrating the birthday of the man who I was once married to. His sister is there too. Her children. My son so desperately wanted me to come. And so my ex invited me. For […]


never too late to learn

published on: 11.10.2012 in: All entries

The other day, I saw two women I know from the past. We were classmates once. Friends, by circumstance. Girls. I see them now, 25 years later, as our paths cross. We had never expected them to. We stopped being classmates, being girls. And so we stopped being friends. There had been no projection into […]


the picture perfect mother

published on: 09.10.2012 in: All entries

A mother calls me this morning. She has just read a story to our kids’ class. She told them a little bit about America, which is where the writer of the story comes from. She had a towel with her of the American flag. Before I left this morning, I saw how she had draped […]