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Archive for 2015

you are right

published on: 16.12.2015 in: All entries

My little big boy, you sit on a stool, your back turned to my bedroom door. When I finally pull myself out of bed, it’s your shoulders I notice first. Compact little boys’ shoulders, bent forward, spine protruding through your T-shirt. For a moment, I think you are playing something on the iPad. But it’s […]


gone tomorrow

published on: 23.11.2015 in: All entries

I have a white, flower-shaped candle holder which is only for her. It sits at the foot of my Sta. Tereza statue, who stands comfortably in a corner. There are shells too, at her feet, and a few more candles for friends who are in trouble. But this particular one is for her. Three years […]


cloud fields

published on: 02.11.2015 in: All entries

Some words only exist in one language. Like cloud fields, although the Dutch would turn that into one word: cloudfields. I came home from work this evening and wondered: when did Winter swallow daylight this year? I turned up the heater and sat in my armchair next to it, waiting for things to warm up. […]



published on: 23.09.2015 in: All entries

I receive a phone call from Spain. A friend who has leaped into adventures away from reality. I wait for her to ask how I’m doing. It takes a while and when she asks I say “fine, I suppose.” What about her? “Not so good. Well, you know.” Yes, I know. Her voice is in […]


the art of coming close

published on: 17.09.2015 in: All entries

The producer and I spent some time tossing ideas this morning. These are my favourite moments. This is when eyes dart around the room, into corners and up to ceilings, and twinkle, when you stir in your coffee-cup which is in fact already empty, and when ideas start becoming real. “I once had a friend […]


when it matters

published on: 09.09.2015 in: All entries

“Where is everyone when it matters?” asks the eagle, from high up above. The wolf answers, down below, “but it only matters when nobody’s there.”


not so interesting

published on: 28.08.2015 in: All entries

Everyone wants to feel special sometimes. Consider Jane Eyre who saw herself as “poor, obscure, plain and little”. It was Rochester who turned her into something special. Recently, I confronted someone who had been talking the whole time. I tried weaving some thoughts into his words and turning things into a conversation. I didn’t manage. […]


1,2,3, Here I go!

published on: 18.08.2015 in: All entries

Every kid learns to swim in his or her particular way. My son was paralysed with fear in the beginning. The result being: he was in the water but learned nothing. Eventually, he managed of course. I remember when he finally dared go into the water alone. He’d only do so if he was wearing […]


Sarah and the sea

published on: 11.08.2015 in: All entries

I stood in the sea behind Sarah. She had been there, motionless and in the same position for eleven hours. The sea came up to my lower arm. It took me a while to notice that it was receding. Slice by slice, the cold caress of the salty sea lowered itself. At first I wasn’t […]


the weeping willow plant

published on: 04.08.2015 in: All entries

I have a plant and it looks like it’s dying. It’s a weeping willow-type plant which once shed an aura of romantic sensitivity. It’s green was both crisp and gentle. Now that it’s dying, I wonder whether I should discard of it. I poke my finger in the pot. The soil seems wet enough but […]