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voicing the past

published: 2015-04-14

As my speech is impaired, I often contemplate the meaning of it. Countless metaphors apply to the voice. From listening to the inner one to developing a unique one in writing.
I am reading the Bible to my son. Not because I believe in God, but because I believe in stories and it seems the Bible has laid down some foundations to various universal themes. While reading it, I like to replace the word “God” with “his/her heart”.
I have reached the story of Moses and it spoke to me. It turns out Moses is afraid to do what his heart tells him to (lead his people into freedom) because he has a terrible voice. He is sure they won’t listen. He has been living in the wilderness for forty years. His older brother even comes to help him speak. Then, Moses goes through ten plagues, seas that split open and being handed the commandments. He fasts for forty days, lives for another forty years. His voice is never mentioned anymore, not once.
How, I wonder, did his speech become a problem? Was it that he felt so guilty, so unworthy, because he had killed an Egyptian man and had secretly buried him, then fled?
Biblical interpretations say that Moses’ problem with his voice is all about overcoming past harms and subsequent fears. You may have made mistakes in the past, that doesn’t mean you can’t become a leader in the future.
I haven’t killed anyone, and I’m sure I won’t be leading any people into freedom. But I have another forty years to live.
I recommend reading the Bible.

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