Another sun filled day, when life turns inside out. A man came to my table. He carefully asked me for my phone number. Said he’d like to show me Amsterdam. I told him I’ve lived here for over twenty years. Still, he very much wanted to show me Amsterdam. I gave him my number. His […]
moreA coffee with a fling of the past. Catching up on time. How is your health? Your job? Your post-divorce girlfriend? It’s okay, but… But? I’m not so sure about our relationship. He sums up a few reasons which are in the sphere of not being on the same page, or level. I ask what […]
moreIntense emotions have a habit of coming in waves. As a child, I was always in the sea. I knew exactly what current came where and when and how. I also knew that when a larger-than-life wave comes towards you, the best thing to do is dive straight into it and you’ll come out the […]
moreI notice the dried roses that I hung up beside my balcony door. One day, I had decided I’d like to keep one of the roses given to me by a special person. Drying it seemed like the only way. It turned into a habit: whenever a man gave me roses, I’d pull the nicest […]
moreFinally, my son lays his head in my lap again. He is getting older. We are watching swimming competitions on TV. I fiddle with his hair, scratch his back. This might be a good moment to say: “We broke up.” “Have they been swimming for an hour, mama?” “No, one minute.” “Oh.” Butterfly. Powerful shoulders. […]
moreI know a woman who picks at the blemishes on her skin. A mosquito bite, a pimple, a cut. She will turn them into painful little lesions. When the bleeding stops and they close to heal, she will scratch them open. She does so ritually, moving from one spot to the next in the same […]
moreWhile waiting for our meals, my son and I entertain ourselves by studying the Von Trapp-type family at the large table next to ours. We count 7 kids of all ages and 2 pairs of grown-ups. Who belongs to who? They drink, eat, laugh and talk in that picture perfect way we have all had […]
moreI look at a picture of the cat we had. She was of unusual coloring, a pale orange with white stripes. Her eyes were a thin green. On the picture, they look at me in vulnerable anger. She came to us through friends and had been neglected. It took a while for her to show […]
more“Are you tough enough?” I think about this question a lot these days. While it’s been over fifteen years since someone asked me that. I was interviewing for a job to become an attorney. The 25-yr-old me automatically responded, “but of course!” I added something really cheeky too, but can’t remember exactly what. The gist […]
moreI’m in a cloister in Belgium. Now and then a monk in a brown habit scurries past me. I feel painfully aware of my unreligious nature. Not that they really care, I think. I’m simply one of the paying guests here. The only paying guest. They’re good at avoiding eye contact. The people I’m visiting […]
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