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The thing with groups…

published: 2010-06-07

I am not really good at groups of people. Whether a volleyball team or a Catholic family. Or 150 five-year-olds. It has nothing to do with the people in the group, neither with the reason for their having become a group. It has more to do with the fact that I tend to experience things – anything (a simple conversation, a visit to a toilet, an ice-cream) – intently. I try, because this is what being a mother means: you try, and you do so for your child. Believe me, I desperately wish I was the kind of mother who had a loud and booming voice, that totally-in-control-type of person yet fun all in one, who is able to tell a child off without it being a big deal or who doesn’t feel sheer panic when one of the children in her group wanders away to explore.
I was doing okay, I think, on my son’s first ever field trip. I smiled most of the time and I enjoyed the opportunity as such. But when one girl pinches and bites another girl yet she has the most disarming laugh when on a caroussel, or when a little boy secretively cries because he misses his mother: my heart simply bleeds. And it’s still bleeding, while by now the kids themselves are only thinking about how much fun they had.

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