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sometimes it’s essential

published: 2014-09-22

I run around frantically looking for my keys. We are late already for an appointment in hospital. Hadn’t my son used the keys yesterday? Well goddammit where has he left them? I am turning bags upside down, throwing jackets around, cursing first to myself and then to him. He carefully opts “in your bag mama?” Of course not!
A few minutes of ranting later, about how the house is always a mess and he should learn to clean up and… and my son is now as frantic as I am except he then tends to run in circles while I run back and forth. I open my bag to grab my celphone and there are my keys, quietly sitting there, in my bag.
Oh shit, I say.
Furiously hot and silent tears pop out of his eyes like in a cartoon. I immediately walk up to him and grab him, relieved that he allows me to, that he buries his head in my thighs while biting away his tears. I no longer mind coming late.
I am so sorry, I say. So sorry.
And I feel a ‘but’ coming up. I force myself to swallow it. No buts. Blaming others for your mistakes is easy, while owning guilt is one of the hardest things there is. In order to repair trust, it’s essential.Sometimes.

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