she understandspublished: 2011-06-08
It’s interesting isn’t it? How you can run around life thinking “I can do this, yes I can” and these thoughts intermix with feelings of worthlessness and you can believe both at the same time. You can feel happy and sad, you can feel excited but nervous, passionate and angry and mellow yet agitated and hopeful while worried or ashamed and confident. All of such thoughts pass the tiny synapses of your brain in a split second.
The sun can shine, but if it rains there’s a rainbow. Yet that too disappears, as does everything else that’s good, or bad. The sting of a bee won’t hurt tomorrow but it will hurt all over again if you step on one.
Then someone you want to avoid getting too personal with – like the woman who cleans your house and who you always somehow feel guilty towards as she shouldn’t be doing that you think or other random thoughts that do not mix well with the pleasure of allowing yourself the luxury of a clean toilet – that someone then looks at you while carefully drying a plate. She keeps looking at you. She slants her head after you have said your cheery, “helloooooo! how are youuuu?” She asks, “are you okay?” And what then happens is you sob. You find yourself throwing your arms around this woman who is much shorter than yourself and who’s life is much tougher than yours. And not only do you sob, you wail. And she says a few words, and all of that is fine. All of that, she understands.