Passing of timepublished: 2009-05-02
Most people jog anti-clockwise. This surprises me as it seems a little counter intuitive. Anyway, so I jog clockwise because that way it’s less noticeable how slow I am. Also, I can study the other runners. It’s my only way to turn jogging into something slightly less unpleasant than it is. I love the elderly guy in the pink jogging suit. He’s short. Thick tufts of grey hair stick out from beneath his cap. And he has zipped himself up into his pink nylon gear. Everytime I go to the park, I see him.
Then there’s the guys who look like they have springs tied to their feet. They’re always in black – shiny black skin-tight gear, cut short above the knee. Their muscles on their thighs bulge in effort. Sometimes they’ll throw me a pitiful glance, understandable because I lean forwards and hope my feet will follow in some way. Of course, you’re not supposed to lean forward. It would be much better for my ass if I were to lean back, in the very least posture myself so that I am straight. But you see, there’s a logical reason my ass has always been big. I lean forward.
Oh and the girls with toned and tanned legs, holding an Ipod in one hand and a bottle of energy drink in the other. These days they’re wearing 80’s Jane Fonda shorts. The kind with slits on the sides. Pink or red. They never looked good on me, not even in the 80’s when I was fifteen. They always crept up the insides of my legs. Last time I jogged (which was a few years ago), the style was to wear full length hiphuggers, with white stripes along the sides of their legs and a sexy word on their cute asses.
The other day, a woman biked past my house. I thought I knew her. but I only recognized her from the more frequent jogging I did in the park a few years ago. She had always had a monumental breast size. But she was determined and we always passed eachother twice, meaning she was doing twice the speed. Her gaze was focused. Now, she had grown fat. I guess she no longer jogs. It made me wonder: was she sick? Has something more important than jogging made its way into her life? It isn’t fair is it? You invest for so long but the moment you stop, it all crumbles. Almost as if you’d never bothered. Persistance is key. Unless you’re willing to give it all up.
I don’t believe for a second that one would punish oneself jogging just to be able to perv on the other joggers and feel inferior. I assume one would do it for the health and aesthetic benefits. You make it sound like a fashion parade with brightly coloured animals in heat. Well, I guess it is.
As it turns out one can get the same benefits from a 30 second sprint. Well OK, the fine print requires a warm up and general good health to do this.
I have tried it. If you love roller coasters you will love this. It works a bit like this. Warm up; A 3 minute jog depending on the outside temperature. The sprint; for about 150 meters. The kick; YES! You only get winded AFTER the sprint, your heartbeat reaches 250 bpm and floors you. A brave person will attempt the sprint again the same day.