less than others
published: 2013-09-29A man says he feels incompetent. He feels “less”, he says.
“Less than others obviously,” and his mind runs ahead of him, yet he backtracks to quickly add the words he was already skipping, “but that’s only the outside world and so it doesn’t matter.” and what he really wants to say is: “less than what I always thought I could be. Than what I want to be.”
He is a handsom man. His eyes are almost hidden by thick-rimmed glasses. They seem bright enough to me. Yet he finds life’s burdens hard to carry. Impossible even.
I wonder why his words affect me. And I realize it’s because he isn’t blaming life for betraying him, he blames his self. He seems taken aback by this. As if viewing the self as something outside of him.
“Less than others obviously. But that’s only the outside world and so it doesn’t matter.”