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Complexity/simplicity of life

published: 2009-10-07

It’s raining today. It had me thinking, “funny how life works.” 10 years ago I was a board member of the SD-foundation. We were a pretty fanatic team. We sent information flyers out to every ENT doctor we knew, built a website, found (a bit of) funding and wrote letters to magazines, tv programmes etc. hoping they’d be interested in SD as a topic. Our aim was to raise awareness. Why though? In looking back I realize all that was more about us than about awareness. We needed to prove we were not mad. Look world: this strange voice of mine has a name!  We were proving this, obviously, to ourselves. 
Fast forward to 10 years later. Life goes on. And objectively speaking, mine is good. Yes, my voice is weird at times, but there are treatments and they work for me. And indeed, my state of mind affects the quality of my voice. I may even be mad. The thing is: I really don’t care anymore whether or not I’m a basketcase. Because I now know almost everyone does crazy things to themselves. Anyway, of course suddenly now what happens? There is public interest for this thing called SD and a tv show asked to film/interview me while being treated. I did not particularly like presenting myself as a patient to the world. I’d much prefer to come on tv to discuss my work as a writer. But I stepped up to the plate and did what was necessary. Not for myself, but for all those SDers out there who are struggling to find recognition. Even worse, some people may not even know they have it and hearing me will lift their loneliness. I did it for my ENT doctor too, who I am dependent on for my well-being. He knows this, therefore helps me. All the time. Unfailingly. So yesterday, he and I teamed up before the camera to play: doctor and patient. In reality, it is all profoundly more complex than that.

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