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and there it was, her star

published: 2013-02-04

There is this little girl who can hardly sleep, that’s how much she desires the walking-talking-doll she saw on a commercial. At night, she thinks of how she’ll take the doll to the park, discuss how she hates spinach and wishes she was old enough to wear high heels. She is saving up for the walking-talking-doll. She gets a dime a week in pocket money. She has asked her mother how long it will take her to save up for the doll. About ten years.
What name would she give the doll? Star maybe, a name she would have wanted for herself.
Then one day, she wakes up and an uncle comes to stay with them from abroad. He is holding a big box. He says he is her godfather and so he gotten her something.
It is the walking-talking-doll. Her mother thanks the uncle for her. The girl takes the doll to the park. But the doll doesn’t walk as fast as she had imagined. She carries it most of the way.
Ten years pass, as do twenty, then thirty. The girl still has desires. Sometimes, she’ll desperately want a certain position at the company she works for. Or for a man to caress her cheek. For him to cook for her. For her to win the lottery. To be independent. To not have to worry. To be happy.
She walks around her studio, restless, somehow expecting to find that uncle there. If she does, she’ll tell him he should have never gotten her that doll. Instead, he should have told her instead: “the greater the desire, the lesser the chance you’ll get what you want.”

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