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a word of advice on advice

published: 2012-12-02

To call someone when you feel sad. And that person is happy to give you advice. That person may well say things like: “Resist every temptation. Be strong. You shouldn’t feel like you need to move to the other side of the world in order to be able to stop this.”
“But… but, I was thinking maybe…”
“No no no no! What you need to do is think about yourself and what it is that you’re looking for. What does this attachment say about you?”
So then you sit there being strong and resisting temptation and fear and desire and all sorts of contrasting emotions and believing everything in the world is wrong with you. And by the time it’s too late, you’ve finally figured it out: Wasn’t that person herself trapped in an abusive relationship?
What’s even worse is when someone tells you to let go. Because why? Why should one have to let go?

2 Responses to “a word of advice on advice”

  1. tj says:

    so true. like the plumber who never has his own plumbing in order or the web designer who hasn’t updated her site in 8 years !!

    i have come to know that we just need to go through emotions and instead of advice, simple ‘support’ is worth gold, since going it all alone is certainly suffocating.

  2. Hen. says:

    A lovely woman might care so much for and give so much to others,
    that she forgets or is left with too little to care for herself.

    And a caring friend might want to help her see that.

    But a better way might be to simply
    stand next to her.
    By her side.

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