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tap one for no, two for yes

published on: 03.02.2021 in: All entries

“Tap one for no, two for yes,” said my son. And so this is what I do as I lie next to him when he goes to bed. Usually, we speak for a bit. Now I tap. He asks if I feel okay, and I tap two. And whether I am able to work, which […]

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A conversation

published on: 15.10.2020 in: All entries

He: “mine is more like I’m lost in an ocean of black oil. It slows my movements and it’s sickening and everywhere I look there’s blackness with no land in sight.” She: “for me it’s that I see it coming, it’s a tidal wave and it’s big and I jump up on my feet, run […]

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the work, the pain, the gain, and my son

published on: 22.08.2020 in: All entries

After dinner, I rested my forehead on the table next to my plate, left it there for a bit. My son said, “you’re tired mama.” I raised my head and nodded. “Do they know how hard you worked?” I shrugged my shoulders. “And do they know how lucky they are to have me?” I laughed […]

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pass the ball

published on: 29.06.2020 in: All entries

My son is now 14. His father and I took him to Ghana when he was 4. He didn’t speak the same language as the kids and it frustrated him. So I suggested he try playing with a ball. And there he was, frantically running around villages with a ball, white-haired and red-faced from overexerting […]

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Sorry you feel that way

published on: 13.05.2020 in: All entries

Recently, someone said to me, “I’m sorry you’re hurt.” It had me feeling unarmed. Something wasn’t right. My immediate instinct was to say “that’s okay.” I didn’t. Instead I said, “but you’re not sorry, are you? Not really.” And I left it at that. “I’m sorry you feel that way,” is becoming a new social convention. […]

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the bend in the road

published on: 03.11.2019 in: All entries

On reaching my favourite bend in the road, I stopped to take a picture of it. This is when the good part starts. Right after that bend, everything feels lighter, like flying even sometimes, as the wind pushes you forward. Still, my legs can burn and my neck will hurt. And many other cyclists catch […]

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i say a little prayer

published on: 30.09.2019 in: All entries

My son, now 13, can’t get to sleep. So I lie next to him, on my back. And as I fold my hands on my chest, I am suddenly reminded of something. “How about we pray?” I ask him. “How?” he inquires. “I guess you can just fold your hands over your chest.” He rolls […]

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define the bold words

published on: 01.11.2018 in: All entries

My son is downstairs in his room and he throws something. I hear him do it. And he grunts angrily. He’s seen it in films. All of it acted and dramatised. But the anxiety isn’t fake, the fear of not knowing how to do this thing we call: Studying for a test. History; he’s only […]

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first day

published on: 06.09.2018 in: All entries

In the morning, he says “look mum. Mum, mum, look!” He is in a stars and striped onesie, thin wrists and pale ankles sticking out, he has grown too fast. “I am a ball,” he says. He has thought this through and has piled pillows up on the floor the to his bed. On his […]

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Moving in

published on: 22.08.2018 in: All entries

He is 12 now and in a leap, momentarily frozen in Summer. The heel of his back foot has not left the ground yet, while the big toe on his front foot is eager to land into adolescence. “I hate you,” he says when I move him in his sleep. He is in the back […]

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